Antar Girls Cry Too
by whimsycality
Summary: A fifty line character exploration of Ava: the duplicate, reincarnated queen, and a girl in love with a boy.


_**Antar Girls Cry Too**_

**Drunk**

His head was on the cold wet ground and his hand dangled in the dank sewer water, Rath was quiet in his drunken stupor; she liked him better this way.

**Brown**

The leaves were broken brown bits as they crunched under her feet and she couldn't help but smile, this world truly was beautiful.

**Recording**

She had considered starting a diary, until she realized that a recording of her thoughts and feelings would only serve to remind her of the misery her life was now, compared to the happiness of her first.

**Thaw**

When the ice thawed, she nearly danced for joy, winter was beautiful but she wouldn't have survived a moment longer stuck in the sewers with her family.

**Eyes**

Windows to the soul, that's what they were supposed to be, but what if your soul was dead?

**Tears**

Tears were pointless; all they did was encourage her tormentors and fail to relieve the pain inside, so why couldn't she stop crying?

**Fear**

Fear was her constant companion, although it was definitely not her friend, but she had learned to use it and that was enough for now.

**Hot**

His breath was hot on her skin as he thrust inside of her, eyes burning a hole into her own as he dared her to scream.

**Peace**

They had been reborn in order to bring peace to their world but the only peace she had ever felt was in death, why had they taken it away?

**Threat**

The threat of pain and death didn't scare her; it was the threat to Zan that kept her lips sealed and her feet from running.

**Robe**

Silky soft even in tatters the blue robe was the prettiest thing she had ever owned, who would have thrown it in a dumpster?

**Denial**

Zan's denial of their past both heartened and frightened her, she was willing to forget all that they were for what they could become but the others weren't and the look in their eyes scared her to the depths of her soul.

**Push**

Stumbling she fought the urge to glare over her shoulder, protesting wouldn't get her anywhere so when Rath pushed her again she just bit her lip and kept walking.

**Sketch**

Thick black lines twisting into shapes and people, a hint of shading bringing emotion to a two dimensional face, and staring at the sketch in the book she wished she was there.

**Shelf**

She carefully placed the pink stone on the makeshift shelf she had created in her pod, allowing herself a smile at the small collection of trinkets she had found since emerging in this new world.

**Office**

The glass fronted sky scrapers intimidated her with their hundreds of offices and stern faced professionals; Antarian architecture never reached such heights and while she knew Earth had decades to go before they reached the stars she had a feeling that when they did they would far surpass the accomplishments of her original world.

**Prison**

This body was a prison from which there was no escape, her life planned before her 'birth' with no thought given that she might no longer wish for destiny.

**Prophecy**

When the rebellion had begun to win more than they lost, the Council had manufactured a prophecy of the Royal Four, a force that would unite Antar once and for all that even death could not defeat; the whispers they started spread like wildfire and soon the populace was alight with fervor, sometimes she wished the Council was freezing in the deepest bowels of hell.

**Confusion**

Avaelithe the Queen Elect, and Ava the girl who lived in the sewers, were two very different people, and sometimes the confusion in her head and heart made her want to scream.

**Brother**

Rath had changed the most in this new life, he was now her cruelest tormentor and the tears she cried as he used her body weren't for herself but for the 'brother' she had lost.

**Warning**

When Zan stepped off the curb, she opened her mouth to scream a warning, fighting off the grasping hands of her traitorous family before collapsing to the ground and sobbing.

**Connection**

It was gone, the place in her mind where Zan's thoughts and feelings had hummed for her to touch whenever she wished was gone and it was never coming back, he was never coming back.

**Jeep**

When Zan, no his name was Max, pulled up in his jeep her heart nearly stopped and it took all she had to not run to him with open arms.

**Investigation**

The light of investigation burned in the brunette's eyes, and it both warmed her that the girl even cared, and frightened her at just what that investigation might reveal.

**Card**

The cards were full of smiley faces and hearts and other cutesy human symbols of love and seeing the other customers pore over dozens of them trying to find the right one made her smile wistfully, if only someone cared that much for her.

**Symbol**

The book clattered to the ground as angry tears streamed down her face, he wasn't even in the book anymore, the symbols had rewritten themselves and Zan's destiny no longer existed.

**Nightmare**

Power crackled down her spine and burned her flesh, the smell of blood was in the air and all she could see was Zan's glassy eyes.

**Fly**

Watching the crows' wheel over head as she laid in the grass her heart soared with them and she dreamed, just for a moment, that her soul was free to fly with them too.

**Class**

Peeking over her book she watched the kindergarten class troop into the library, they were laughing quietly and pushing each other while trying not to be noticed by the teacher, they were so innocent it made her smile even as she fought her jealousy.

**Twinkle**

Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are; the lyrics never failed to make her eyes well with tears even as the others teased her for listening to a kiddy song, they didn't miss the stars like she did.

**Lonely**

It was a dull ache that never left, wrapping her in cold arms even when surrounded by her 'family'; when Zan had first awakened it hadn't been there, but bit by bit it crept into her life until it consumed her completely.

**Electricity**

Ava remembered the way it used to feel when Zan touched her, the instant crackle of desire that warmed her blood and set his dark eyes burning; in this life she missed that electricity every time he gave her an absent kiss as he remembered that he was supposed to love her.

**Teeth**

Her teeth dug into her cheek and she tasted the faint copper of blood as she refused to scream, ignoring Rath's hot breath against her ear and his cruel roving fingers.

**Trap**

The ball bounced into the street and her gut clenched as she felt Rath's grasp on her arm tighten and her throat muscles lock up, it was a trap.

**Surface**

On the surface this group seemed cohesive, so much softer and more attractive than her own warped family, but beneath the surface in their interactions with these humans there were tensions she couldn't quite grasp, but knew were important for her survival, and theirs.

**Stone**

The stone was cold beneath her toes as she walked down the tunnel, her small hand touching the wall so she wouldn't get lost, sometimes she just wanted to crawl back into her pod and never come out again.

**Vision**

When Liz woke her from the dream, she was sobbing from the intensity of the vision; she had seen Zan's death through his eyes, felt his fear and pain, and it made her want to scream that the connection she had missed and craved occurred only after his death.

**Wrong**

Something was wrong, they were wrong, this was more than just a few personality changes; Lonnie and Rath weren't recognizable as the same people at all and it made her second guess her own memories.

**Lost**

With all the changes that this new life had brought, and despite the void in their relationship, Zan had become her anchor and without him she felt lost, adrift on a menacing sea.

**Sting**

Her knees burned where gravel had dug into them when she collapsed to the pavement and she welcomed the stinging pain, it was less than she deserved for failing to protect her mate.

**Crowd**

The first time she had emerged from the sewers the milling mass of people had terrified her, now she welcomed the anonymity of the crowd, she was just one lost soul among thousands.

**Abuse**

She ran, the muscles in her legs burning as they protested the abuse after hours cramped in a hot car; finally she stopped, panting as she bent over and then straightened, turning to go back, she couldn't stay away yet, but oh it felt so freeing to run from her family.

**Comfort**

Ava accepted the comfort the other girl offered and let it briefly warm the empty place inside of her before she walled away the feelings; there would be time for happiness after vengeance had been satisfied.

**Home**

The sewers were cold and dank and nothing like the warm rich palaces of Antar, but Zan was her home and so all of this was worth it.

**Forest**

The forests of Antar were nothing like those here on Earth, the trunks of the trees were oblong rather than circular and their sun bleached the color from the branches and foliage leaving them pale white and gleaming; the first time she saw the marble floors of the New York Library it made her freeze as she remembered her wedding amidst the living pillars.

**Whisper**

Watching his chest rise and fall in sleep, his usually wary face relaxed and innocent, she smiled as she blinked back tears and whispered, "I love you."

**Secret**

It was time to tell her secret, or she would be guilty of letting her husband die not once, not twice, but three times in two lives.

**Harm**

The harm done to her body by those she loved was nothing compared to the harm done to her soul.

**Flexible**

In both lives it was Zan's refusal to be flexible, to bow to any view point other than his own, that cost him his throne and his life.

**Plate**

The plate of food was such a simple gesture, nothing any kind person would consider unusual, but kindness in her life was unusual and as she looked at the brunette she wondered if her copy knew how lucky she was to have these kind humans in her life.


End file.
